“Naked” Mirror Self Portrait

At some in time, I think every person individual will look at him or her or their self in the mirror, and see… is this person a good person? A successful person? A good son and husband?

I am writing this while watching this NETFLIX documentary on photographer “Platon”, of which this photographer is famous for his close up and detailed black and white portrait of big famous people and immigrants. I wonder how and how he would take his own self portrait if he was to take his own photo in the mirror.

Probably I learn more about being myself and selfishness during my time in Australia, living on my own, away from family and parents. I did spend more than half of my life in this second country, known as a migrant individual. Sometimes I feel like a ghost, sometimes like a tourist, even though I know I live here long enough.

I learn that in my own freedom and selfishness and rebelious spirit, I find and learn more about life. Sometimes I think I might have come across wrong to other people, friends, strangers. I usually don’t confront people, I am a passive kind, I like to observe and capture people and strangers through my camera. Sometimes I just like to see a person.

Every now and then I think that I could see a person, but sometimes I missed to see a person’s emotion or feeling. If I could go back in time, I should have been kind and more sensitive to one’s person feeling. Maybe I am too ignorant sometimes, whenever I was too fixated with my own works.

Life is really quite short and I think we only really encounter a small amount of people that could be close or easy to talk with, even a friend or an enemy.

I do street photograpy and a while ago I spent some years doing life drawings and I met people at Meet Up and also I talked to some of the models and other artists. I learn a lot by talking to random people, I mean some are more open and friendly, some really totally ignore you or just don’t want to talk to me. I guess it’s just their own perception, nothing to be blamed about.

Some life drawing model just kept giving your their back and never want to see you for example. I mean, like people on the street, strangers are also find strangers taking photo can be quite discomforting. I understand this, but every now and then there is this interesting sparks.

A while ago, I was reading an article about this lady that have random lunch with 100 strangers on cafe, or maybe a man who draws random portraits at cafe everyday. It’s really quite an interesting way to make “connections” or bridge. I think I should also account of random online encounters with people and artists online, which become Facebook or Twitter or Instagram or YouTubers “friends”. I found a strange connections. And I do kind of feel sad if connection is broken or got blocked because of misunderstanding or when a persona disappear from the Internet because of misfortune (died of covid).

At some point I realized my friendship network is peaked at around 600 friends on FB and 10K YouTube subscribers or Twitter friends. Pretty interesting numbers, I think. As a non famous or not important person, I appreciate every connection or if a random person asked for interview.

So, back to “self portrait” or reflection in the mirror. I think every 10 years I look at myself, or every birth day, I can see a different self. I was a shy person who can’t even look at myself in the mirror back in my elementary school. I remember me being a fat kid and I think one of the girls at the school told me I was ugly, and comparing me with another kid.

In my college time, I had a self portrait project, I think I took 2–3 great self portrait: one is myself with an augmented photograph, covering my face. Another one is myself covered by camera, half my face. Another one which become my final portrait is myself half naked and in a spiral snail baby like pose. I still think I am a bit shy and often cannot communicate to a person, but every now and then depending on the person, I could talk fine without any frictions. So it probably takes 2 to make connections?

So, self monologue happens when you are with yourself most of the time. Like the actor in film “Castaway”, or maybe like a Buddha in his meditation and his lone time. The lockdown will have effect on people for sure. Those who are with family, and those who are alone mostly.

Hopefully we can always stay positive and never fear and giving our self hug and tomorrow will be better for us all.